domino: How I Help My Clients Break the Accumulate-Toss-Accumulate-More Cycle
In Home Therapy, a new book from licensed family therapist–turned–interior designer Anita Yokota, the journey to attainable mental wellness goals starts inside…your house. Through her thoughtful insights, reflective prompts, and calls to action, Yokota breaks down how to organize your home so that you can be your best self—including a why-didn’t-I-think-of-that hack for the moments when you just can’t decide whether to keep that sequined blazer you bought for NYE five years ago or not. (You’ll probably never wear it again—but you might, though?) In this excerpt, Yokota shares a few gems for sorting things out with intention.
Most of today’s popular organizing methods are based on creating “save,” “throw,” and “donate” piles as we go through our things. While it may be tempting to chuck items from your past that no longer serve (sayonara, ex-whoever!) and bring only bright, shiny ones into the new future you will create, this strategy assumes we’re mostly savers who need to become sorters or tossers quickly. Because the emphasis is on the past and future, and not the present, the act of organizing can only be a Band-Aid. There is no moment for contemplation. There is no silence or pause—however uncomfortable that may be—only rapid-fire decision-making. Rarely is the focus on the decision-making itself.
Well, friends, from a therapeutic standpoint, there are more helpful and lasting ways to organize your home, but living in the moment, with no guaranteed answers and plenty of uncertainty, can be scary. However, if you start flexing that muscle when it comes to the things you own, it feels incredible not to have that old movie of the past playing in your head or any fear of the future creeping in.
In order to face the present, you need to clear the space you intend to organize and create a blank slate. If you don’t examine why you accumulate or purge things, then you will continue the cycle no matter how many times you sort, toss, categorize, or label. Our human tendencies will overtake us, and we’ll end up back in the same place. So let’s confront our “now” and use a few tools to solve what might be under the hood.